The joy of meeting people, chatting with them is slowly and gradually replaced by throwing lavish invites to formal dinner/lunches, theme parties and extravagant give aways. In my memory lane if i stroll down, our dining room (called khanay wala kamra simply) glimpse brings the aroma of Aloo-gosht cooked by my mother accompanied by few other dishes for our guests. By guests one could mean people staying over for their summer holidays at your place or just a one-day guest. Followed by a long session of chatting and gossiping. I was always interested in listening to that happening stuff but was never allowed to sit amongst elders.
Despite having servants/helpers, table laying and cleaning was entirely one’s own job. There was no embarrassment in minding housework in front of a guest. In the same manner birthday was a kid’s affair comprising of homemade stuff. Friends, parents and a few close relatives were there to share joy. Gifts were simple but meant a lot. Goody bags, birthday themes, fondant theme cakes and an endless guest list was only a thing which my generation probably saw in movies only, despite having the simplistic birthdays, unornamented school bags and lesser privileges the depth of friendships were far deeper and would last for many decades. The evils of competitiveness had not effected the essence of camaraderie. Things were plain but genuine.
Same was the case with all cultural religious festivals like Eid. The eidi, was a crisp 10 rupees note, fifty or maximum hundred. It was an amount, which could be spent on eatables. Whatever packet junk you want to devour. But that small joyful amount has changed into a big number like thousands or so. Eidi has to be returned back too and so for the parents its not just a simple eidi there is whole science and an art of accounting. Well it no more remains a matter of affordability as it raises the bar for others too. Parents themselves shower kids with huge amounts, when the kids sit together amongst friends or cousins and compare the collected eidi, it brings a sad realisation to some. Some even ask their parents or some just keep it to their heart. Unfortunately kids are effected the most with this bourgeois and consumerist culture. How come a generation raised with such rapacious environment and values will enjoy the simple joys, would they ever learn the joy of giving or did we ever try to practice it ourself. What an achievement that we have made kids aware of all the expensive brands by mentioning these names and practising a brand phobia too. Eid clothes isn’t new dresses its mentioned with some brand. In a shortest possible time we are achieving all the downsides of a consumerist society.
The friends get together is not just a food tray in your room it is a planned lunch where only on decor any amount could be spent. The culture of warmth, simplicity, love and humility has rather changed into show off, materialism and extravagance .The foundation of friendships and relationship is getting weaker. Support is overcome by formalities now there are no close knitted, deep rooted friendships and relationships. It is a race leading no where. Teaching the same commercial, capitalist values to our kids.
Being a born Lahori I cannot just overcome with the rapidness the urban culture is changing. Culture is now only a glitzy, ritzy and glamorous way of life with costumes, themes, big gifts, big notes but too little depth. It does not end here as these unrealistic standards are affecting, frustrating and suffocatting those who are the silent victims. It is an unnecessary burden to return and damage to many peoples self esteem. In a society where already morality, courtesy and human values are messing up this probably is an icing on cake.
Whatever the income group one belongs to the standards are unreal n difficult to maintain. Despite having more socialising there is more depression. Terms like emptiness syndrome is part of daily conversation. Kids need more psychological professional help. The peer pressure is now the new buzzword. if I talk about urban culture it seems to be completely hi jacked by artificial and self booster ways . The innocent minds catch all these influences as an aftermath.
The beginning of a school year, a birthday party or visiting someone nothing is spared from this braggart. Where has that joy has gone or where had we packed n thrown it. By imposing our own standards and for the satiation of our esteems we have taken over our kids tiny events and turned it into some corporate show off, as if the grades race and living their lives wasn’t enough. Staying totally oblivious that many of those who can’t afford for them such a show off behaviour is a hit. They will go back with heavy hearts … a kids event should remain a kids event . A Friend, lunch need not to be posted on social media
This culture is just nurturing greed and money oriented values. By handling over the gadgets and putting TV in every room good parenting isn’t achieved. Everyone from lower middle class till the upper most are loaded with whatever gadget they can afford. Ironically Steve Jobs himself did not give any I pads to his teenage child.
Less personalised interaction less transferring of our folk wisdom and more of candy crush . Unfortunately we are following wrong icons and wrong standards.
We are trying to buy every thing but good parenting, personal relations, sensitivity and values are lost in the race.
The difference between affordability and show off doesn’t need a formula to understand. With the extremely widening gap between have and have not such practices are massacring the peace of mind of middle class. Their kids go to these parties, they themselves mingle as being part of same group. The degree is considered to a route to being rich rather than being educated, personalities are judged not on intellect but the brand of the bag and kids know more name of cars and gadgets than anyone else.
Individually one needs to get rid of this hi jacked state of mind, come out of the race leading nowhere and focus what values we want to teach our kids and then practice it as they learn by observation not lecture.
Nabiha Shahram is a children’s right activist and a former educationist
